Friday, September 30, 2011

Going to see Blake and watch him play ball!

I am so excited!  We get to go see Blake this weekend. My sister Shannon is coming up to take care of dad while we are gone.

Michael and I are able to leave at two and meet at the house.  Get dad setup until Shannon can get there.  Get the car loaded up and start heading to my baby boy.   I can't wait to see him.  With us leaving work early we will be able to take Blake out to dinner tonight.  I can't wait to see him.

Saturday we get up and head to Arkansas to watch Blake play baseball.  I hope we are able to visit with him at some point on Saturday. Not sure what we will be doing that evening.  It all depend on what time the games get over.  Sunday we head to Ada, Oklahoma for more baseball.  I'm not sure how much time we will get to spend with him on Sunday. I'm sure I will at least get a hug and kiss goodbye.

I have written one post for Saturday.  I'm not sure if I will have anything for Sunday.  I all depends on our schedule.  Hopefully I will have something up on Monday about what went on this weekend.  I'm sure I will have quite a few pictures. It really depends on how late we get back home.

What are your plans for this weekend?  I hope you have a wonderful one no matter what your plans are.

Thank you so much for taking the time to stop in and read this post.

Jackie

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Phrases and Happy pills

I love phrases.  Little sayings that will encourage me to continue on even when I don't think I can. The phrase I received today was  GAP - God Always Provides.  Others I have received are  FROG - Forever Rely on God and PUSH - Pray Until Something Happens.  I keep these phrases on little post-it notes on my monitor at work as little reminders.

I have to admit I am very blesses.  I have a wonderful husband and son.  My job and the people I work with couldn't be better.  I have worked at my current job for over 6 years and still really enjoy it. My husband is also employed and my son is going to college.  Yes, money is tight but we have food in our mouths, our bills get paid and we have a roof over out heads. What do I truly have to be sad about? 

After all the things to be truly happy I still have to take Lexipro.  I've tried to get off of it and boy do I get mean.  I don't even like myself when I'm off of it.  When I do take it I feel like myself again.  I've been told that it's like taking blood pressure medication.  That I just have a chemical imbalance.  You would be surprised at the number of people that actually take medication.  Most are just to embarrassed to admit it.  To me it's just a fact of life. I didn't start taking medication until after my grandpa Yoho passed away.  I don't always have to take it.  So I will try again later to get off of them.  Hopefully it will work next time.  Because it sure is expensive.

The reason I put these phrases on my computer monitor is to help remind me that things are good.  I just have to trust in God to get me through.  I try to focus on the positive stuff even if there is negativity around.  But it's not easy trying to be a glass have full kind of person.  All of us have days when we are down.  Some for good reason like losing a loved one.  Other days you might not know why you are down.

If you ever do get down I hope you will be able to take the phrases I've shared and be able to make it a better day.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Have a great Thursday!

Jackie

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Favorite TV programs

My husband and I watch quite a few TV shows.  We normally record the show and watch it later.  There are two reasons we record a show. One is we don't always have time to watch a show right when it comes on or so we can fast forward through all of the commercials.  It has gotten us spoiled.  When we are watching regular TV and a show goes to commercial we start looking for the remote in order to fast forward the commercials. 

Here is a list of the shows we watch and the day's we watch them.

Monday night  - How I Met your Mother, Two and Half Men and The Big C,
Tuesday night - We have started the New Girl but not sure if we will stick to it.
Wednesday night - Harry's Law, Survivor, Up all nigh and Revenge.  The last two are new and we will have to wait and see what we think of those shows as well.
Thursday night -  Community, Big Bang Theory, The Office, Secret Circle and Whitney.  Again, the last two are new shows. We will see if they pan out.
Friday night Blue Blood
Saturday night - Open
Sunday night - Dexter and Killing,

What is your favorite TV program?  My favorite show is Big Bang Theory I love the quirky humor and awkwardness that they all have had.  I think Sheldon is the glue to the show.  Without him I don't know if it would be as good as it is now.

Leave me a comment telling me what your favorite program is and if I'm not watching something you love let me know and I will give it a try.

Have a great evening!

Jackie

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Lost and Found

Have you ever just driven down a road just to see where it will go?  I have and I love it.

I normally feel very comforatable doing this because I have navigation on my cell phone.  If I get worried or can't figure out how to get home I just grab my phone.  Plug in my home address and sit back and follow the directions. 

On my way home I was taking a back road and missed my turn because I was day dreaming.  I didn't think much of it because I love the adventure of taking a new road. I turned up the radio and just enjoyed the ride.  I figured I'd be able to make a left turn at some point and wind my way back to where I was heading. This time however the road kept going without the option of a left turn. I got a bit nervous. I thought I'll just grab my cell phone. But today, I accidently left my cell phone at the office.   I figured oh well, I'm in a good part of town and this is actually a really nice ride home. I found ballparks I didn't even know about.  Along with some businesses I had no idea where there.

The good news is I finally found the left turn I was looking for and ended up finding a really cool way to get home.  If there is ever an accident on the main road I drive on I now know a new way to get home. It took about 15 minutes longer but there was no traffic which is a luxcurie in the Fort Worth area.

There have been times where I have found a new faster way home. But many times its just tends to be way out of the way.  The cool thing about doing this is finding something you didn't know was in your area or if it ends up being a beautiful day like today was you can just enjoy your little unexpected adventure

Here is hoping you find an unexpected adventure this week that turns out as nice as mine did.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Suprise Visit from Blake

Blake surprised us and came home Friday night. He didn't get in until around 1 AM but it was wonderful to see him.

When I got up I went to Blake's room and we hung out and talked for a while.  Michael came in and we started watching Youtube videos.  I needed to make my dad something to eat so I went to the kitchen to start cooking and Blake requested eggs and grilled cheese sandwiches.  He no sooner finished and he wanted more eggs.  It was nice to cook for him again.  I enjoy cooking when I know what someone wants to eat and I know they are going to eat it.

 
Blake went to the Texas Ranger ball game and then met us to see Bowling for Soup.  Michael and I went early and got to see Johnny Cooper.  We had a great time at the concert. We wrapped the night up with going to Whataburger. It was great spending time with my guys like old times.

Sunday, the boys woke up and went to work on Blake batting.  When they got back we went to the movies.  We went to see Moneyball.  Great movie.  If you love baseball as much as our family does then you will enjoy this movie.

When we got home Blake had to finish packing so he could get on the road.  That was the hardest part.  I hate seeing him go. But, as Michael said we only have 5 more days and we will get to see him again.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Ellen

What is it about Ellen Degeneres that is so appealing?  What is it that makes you want to get to know her?  Is it her gorgeous blues eyes? Her short blonde hair? Her quick witted mind? The huge smile that is perpetually there?

In my opinion, Ellen is outgoing and so full of charisma that she just draws people in like a moth to a flame.  Ellen  makes you relax and let your guard down.  She makes you want to sit and stay spell.  Like an old friend of the family or a favorite aunt, cousin or sister.

Ellen's show is one of the few I would like to go see in person.  It looks like it would be a ball with all of that dancing and crazy games she plays with her audience. You just know you will be laughing the entire time.  It would be even better if my family and I could catch one of her comedy tours.

I am not really a person that looks up to people in general because people will always let you down.  We are all human and flawed.  However,  if there is one person I admire it is Ellen Degeneras for the compassion she has for life, people and animals.  It is people like Elle that make me want to be a better person.

If you are ever down and need a good laugh you should check out The Ellen Show on Yutube or on TV.

Hope you have a blessed Sunday!

Jackie

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Let It Shine

After such sad stuff the last couple of day I thought I would bring you something really neat.

I read a really fun and upbeat blog called Big Mama .  Melanie is the creator of this site and shares her life. When you have time you should really check Melanie's site out.  She is quite funny.

Melanie has a friend AJ who visited Zambia and fell in love with the children.  Since AJ's visit years ago she has developed  a passion for helping the children from Zambia.  AJ started creating a photo book with the hope of all of the proceeds going straight to support the children of Zambia. The dream has now became a reality.



I have not read this book yet but wow, what a great way to get the word out about these children in need.  AJ took all of photo's and one of Melanie's and AJ's friend Jennifer wrote the stories.

If you would like to order a book you can visit the Arise Africa site.

I love that Melanie brings such great projects to light.

Hope you have a great Saturday!

Jackie

Friday, September 23, 2011

Explination of The Lone Star Cowboy

My Aunt and Uncle had a fish fry in honor of Jason with the fish Jason had caught.  Before his death he had told his parents he wanted to have a family fish fry. Since we were doing the fish fry in honor of Jason I thought I would write something to capture his act of heroics at the time of his passing. I wanted to do something for my Uncle Chuck, Aunt Jeannie and his brother Josh. 

Jason was a roofer and had worked his way up to management.  He was on the top of a roof of a business that had been in a fire doing a bid.  He got close to a skylight and it gave and he fell 40 feet hitting his head on an air conditioning unit on his way down.

He was rushed to the hospital but was not able to be saved.  He was able to donate his organs and in the process saved two lives that we know of.

After his passing one of his friends was saved and said it was because of Jason.
It breaks my heart that Josh was in the accident and watched my brother die and then three months later his best friend Robbie was murdered. They never did find the killer. To top it off he lost his brother Jason a few short years later. Not to mention our grandpa a few months before that. Grandpa passed January 28th and was buried on my birthday February 2nd. Jason died May 21st.

We have had several more family members pass and it just never get easier.

Sorry this weeks post were a little depressing.

Hug  your family this weekend and let them know you love them. Life is short and you never know when you will be called home.

Jackie



Thursday, September 22, 2011

An explination of When Love Ones Pass

The two "poems" I posted were written a long time ago.  I know neither of them are very good and most likely not technically considered poems.  They were just somethings I had to get out of my heart and put on paper.  I've posted them because I wanted to preserve them and to remember the people I wrote them for.

When love ones pass was written originally for my brother Ronnie but when mom passed I added her because it fit and I miss her as well.

Ronnie died on May 2, 1998.  He drank and drove and paid a high price for that decision.  Ronnie had one of our cousins Josh in his truck as well as our cousins best friend Robbie at the time of the accident.  Both of them were fine considering what they had just been through.  Our cousin had road rash on his back.
I had gone to San Antonio for a girls weekend with some ladies from work.  I get a call around 6 AM.  It was my husband saying my brother had been in a car accident and had died. Just thinking of that call I could hyperventilate.  By that October I was so stressed out after my brothers passing that my back went out and I was not able to walk for the first time. It took about 3 weeks of medication and physical therapy for me to be able to get back to work.
If I felt like that can you imagine what my parents went through?  My mom. Oh my goodness.  I thought she would literally die of a broken heart.  Mom has reunited with my brother.  My dad is still struggling with the loss of his only son.  With as sick as he has been all of his life he thinks it should have been him before either Ronnie or mom.  He just can't figure out why God hasn't taken him yet.
It has taken years to get over the loss of my brother.  There are still days when it's hard. Other days I get so mad at him for being selfish.  Ronnie not only left behind a set of parents who loved him, 2 sisters and a host of relatives he left behind a son that was 3 years old as well as a stepson that was 16.
I did not write the "poem" until after my cousin Jason passed. I wrote the Lone Star Cowboy and then I just started writing When Love Ones Pass. Sobbing the whole time.  It was very cathartic.  Again, I know they are not the best thing that has ever been written but, it sure helped me during a tough time.
I will give you a the back ground on the Lone Star Cowboy tomorrow.
Hope you have a great day!
Jackie

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

THE LONE STAR COWBOY

There was a Lone Star Cowboy that was sweet as he could be although he tried so hard not to let us see.  His kindness was a beacon to all of which were weak, knowing he would keep them until they no longer had a need.

The Lone Star Cowboy loved his family true and would do anything not to make them blue.  Remember the loving look in the Cowboy’s eyes, as he smiled while he looked upon each child.


For even at the end his boys knew daddy gave his precious life to save two.  No they did not know who, that part is true, but you see this is what their daddy would want them to do, be brave, strong and even proud they would be sure not to let daddy down.

Jacob, Dustin and Brandon too in the end knew what they must do.  These three boys gave up the most treasured gift of all, they gave up their one and only Pa.


Even after the Cowboy’s passing you see, he helped out another to see Jesus, can you believe?  So take note one and all, even in the end we are witnesses that are called.


Rest in Peace Jason we love you!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

When Loved One Pass

My heart is heavy
My soul is weak
This is why I cannot sleep

Lonesome, hurting, crying inside
Missing all that have and have not past us goodbye

Mothers, Fathers
Bothers, Sisters
Nephew, Nieces
Aunts, Uncles and cousins to
As well as grandparents just to name a few

I already know the pain of loss
I already know how much it costs

Heart aching, eyes weeping, body shaking, mind breaking
Oh, how my soul is aching.

I beg you dear Lord to stop it now
Please stop the dieing some how

Crying
Head aching
Heart breaking
And soul shaking

I already know why I’m not sleeping
Because I know from all who have passed
What I feel when they do not last

I don’t know if I can survive another
Oh Lord I miss my brother and my mother!

Monday, September 19, 2011

CASC Baseball Game 9 18 2011

We drove the two hours to Durant Oklahoma to watch Blake play baseball.  When we get there we see both teams on the field warming up.  We drive around to see if we can find Blake.  When we do I want to get out and hug my baby so bad but I couldn't.  It was so hard to be that close but unable to talk or hug him.

The first game started and he wasn't playing. So I was rude and read the book I had brought.  I didn't think that game would ever end. 

The next group  finally get on the field.  After four innings it starts pouring down rain and the game is called.



We got to see Blake for less than five minutes after the game.  We gave him the sweats he asked his dad to bring and some cash.  The best part is I finally got my hug and kiss.  It was wonderful. I've missed my son. 

We will be going up the first weekend in October so I have that to look forward to.  My sister is coming to stay with my dad.

Sorry this is short and sweet.  I am very tired after this long day on the road and at the field.

Hope you all have a wonderful Monday.

Jackie

Sunday, September 18, 2011

The story of us

One night, my sister Shannon was in our bedroom talking on the phone with a guy named Michael.  I was bored so I was doing various Carol Burnett impressions and other things to make my sister laugh. I decided to do this thing Shannon always cracked up at.  Now, before I tell you, let me clarify that I was 15 and a freshman in high school.  Young and immature.  So, I laid back and gulped as much air as I possibly could sat up and let out a long burp.  Shannon was cracking up.  Michael had heard me over the phone.  I was so embarrassed.  Much to my surprise, the next day he asked me out. 
I had actually met Michael once or twice but one time was particularly memorable.  I was out on my first car date.  We had gone to a dance hall.  Michael came talk to the guy I was out with.  As he came up he knocked over a chair in the process. As he was fumbling around to pick it up he said "I'm usually pretty cool but, I'm even cooler now because I'm drunk!".  We all had a good laugh.  Heck we still get a laugh when I bring it up.
Michael came to pick me up for our first date on March 1, 1986.  I had just turned 15 and he was 17. My sister Shannon actually went out with him once after she had broke up with a long time boyfriend. They were just friends so they decided to just keep it that way.
When we agreed to go out I honestly thought it was just for that night.  We were living in Belton at the time. My family would be moving to Copperas Cove at the end of the school year

We went out to eat at a nice Mexican restaurant.  After we ate he took me bowling and then we went to the movies and finally out to the lake.  I had never been out the lake on a date before. He went for a kiss and when he wrapped his arms around me I clamped my arms down making sure he wouldn't make a move. Michael still teases me about doing that. Unfortunately I had to be home by midnight.

Neither of us were morning people but for some reason both of us woke up early the next morning.  He called me and asked me to hang out and of course I said yes. That was the beginning of us.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Going to a game

We are going to see Blake play baseball on Sunday.  The CASC will be playing Southeastern Oklahoma State in Durant, Oklahoma at 12:30 PM.  I believe it's only a couple of hurs from our home.  we will leave in the morning after I get dad fed and make sure he has everything he needs.

Blake has been so busy. He gets up and has to be ready to either condition or in the gym working with weights by 6:30 every morning.  He goes to class and then he is in a batting group everyday.  They are traveling for games as well.  Not sure when he has down time.

I've tried to not call him this week.  I finally broke down and texeted him yesterday to tell him I love him and that I'm thinking of him.

I can't wait to see him.  Not sure if we will get to visit with him or not. But at least he will know we are there cheering him on.

Most likely there will not be a post up on Sunday.  However,  I hope to have pictures up on Monday from the game.

Hope all of you have a great weekend!

Jackie

Friday, September 16, 2011

Brody

What is it about little kids that make a person melt into puddles? Especially if that child is apart of your family. Below is a picture of my great nephew Brody.  He has us all wrapped around his little finger.


Look at that face! haha  I said Brody look at me. He saw the camera and said cheese.

Brody is daddy made over. Who is his daddy made over.  Blonde hair and blue eyes and full of life. 

That is my sister Shannon giving Brody kisses.  The guy with the cap on in the back ground is Shannons husband Darren.  That is Brody's grandpa.  Can you see the resembeliance?


This is just a really cute picture of Blake.  He was pushing Brody in a little car.

At the fourth of July party Brody was afraid at first to go into the water.  My aunt Linda and her husband Dan had this increadable cabana and pool area built so we could have family get togethers.  It is increadable. 

Brody playing in the baby section of the pool.
He found those goggels and had to wear them the entire time we were at the party.

After he finally got used to the water he allowed me to take him out into the deeper parts.  I had him kicking his little legs saying swim like a fishie by the end of the day.

The trust and love a child has for you is unconditional.  The purest form of love.





Thursday, September 15, 2011

Photographing Volleyball Game

I went to my God daughters volleyball game last night determined to take some great photos.  Well if not great at least try to improve from the blurry mess the week before.  Thanks to froknowsphoto.com I was able to improve from the previous week.  Don't get me wrong I still have a ton to learn but I feel I'm finally moving in the right direction.

One of the tips I learned was to set your SLR on auto.  Take a picture and see what the setting are.  From there you can move your camera into manual and start making adjustments with your ISO and F-stop.  As I stated I already knew to push my ISO to 1600 but I have never played with the F-stop until last night.  When I added the additional light it was remarkable the difference in quality.  I learned how to change the settings for the F-stop on my camera from a tutorial on froknowsphot.com.


With this photo you can see it's darker and there is blur in several areas

With this photo you can see it is a bit brighter and the blur is cut way down


I think another thing that helped with the blur issue is I was further away is the picture on the bottom.  There is so much movement in volleyball I think the auto focus didn't know what to focus on . That and my settings were wrong. As I have stated I have a long way to go but I am having fun working on learning more about my camera.

I don't know Fro at all but, he helped me and if you are interested in photography his website might be able to help you out as well. The lessons are in video format so he is showing you as he goes.  He shoots everything in raw.  I have not started learning how to photo shop pictures yet so I am not ready to go raw yet.

If you have a website on photography please be sure to leave it in the comments.  Or if you have suggestions I would love to hear them.

Hope you have a wonderful day.

Jackie

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Photography

I love taking pictures. I always have. When I was in 8th grade I asked for a camera and my parents bought me a Polaroid. I was out of film in no time. When I turned 16 they bought me a used Pentax with 2 lenses, a flash and a tripod for $50 from a friend. I was in heaven especially since I was in journalism.

My sophomore year I wrote articles and sold ads and helped get the paper setup at the printers. It was really cool learning how a paper is really created. It is amazing all the work that goes into getting a paper to go to print. Even our small school paper the Blue Beacon took quite a few of us many hours of hard work.

The summer of my sophomore year, my teacher took the kids in our journalism class to the University of Texas so we could sharpen our skills in whatever area we were interested in. By then I really wanted to be in the photography department. Since I had my own camera and has proven to her I could take decent shots she gave me a change to go to the photography portion of workshop.

In the photography course I learned how to roll my own film into canisters. How to put the film on the reels and develop the film. Basically I learned the ins and outs of photography. We had assignments and had to take pictures of 6 different categories that would be in competition with everyone in the course. Not just kids from my school but everyone that was attending the photography course. I didn't think I had a shot to win anything so I just did my best.

On the day of the award ceremony our teacher allowed me and a couple of other students to cover the taks test protest at the capital. If I had been wearing a dress or a skirt I would have been allowed to stay in the capital and take pictures while they had their meeting. I had no idea I would be going someplace so nice so I didn't have the proper attire. After the shoot I got back and found out I had won 3 of the six awards. I was floored. Don’t get me wrong I still had a lot to learn but I was on the right track.

The reason I'm telling you all of this is because I want to let you know I do have a little background in photography but it's been years since I was in journalism. My Pentax froze up and I went on to the point and shoot film camera and then finally the point and shoot digital camera. Taking sports shots with a one of those has been a challenge. You have to anticipate the shot just before it happens and click the shutter then. Surprisingly I’ve gotten lucky and we have come out with some awesome shots. Even with those cameras I could crank out 200 pictures in a couple of hours.

When I got my Nikon D3000 it was an impulse buy. We had actually gone to Best Buy to get Blake something because I had gotten and unexpected bonus. My husband saw the display and it was on sale and said I could get a camera instead. Instead of just buying the camera right then I should have researched to find out what the best camera would be. I had wanted a better camera for so long I jumped at the chance to have one. What I didn't know at the time was the D3000 was a starter camera and is limited. But, that is ok. I am still having a ball with it. I love that I can take multiple shots in seconds. This helps when Blake is swinging the bat or when he is running to catch a ball.

I've been a little frustrated because I can't figure out how to get my shots from being blurry when I take pictures of my God daughter Olivia playing volleyball. So of course I went to Mr. Google. I found a really cool site on Monday called froknowsphoto.com. He is doing a project where he is using a D3000 and showing you don't have to have the best equipment as much as you have to trust in yourself and just play with the settings. So I'm going to take a tip from him and take it off of auto and go manual. I had already figured out how to push the camera to 1600 for the ISO but the F-stop is what I need to work on next. I think that the lack of light in the gym is what is killing me on the shots. So I'm really looking forward to getting out in the field and testing some of the suggestions he made. The really cool thing is he has things for beginner to advanced. I will keep you posted and let you know if I learn anything interesting.

If you have any suggestions on cutting the blur on volleyball photos or any photography suggestions at all I would love to hear them.

Have a great day!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Lost

If feel lost.  As a mom you have been caring for your child since they are in the womb. Nurturing and caring for your child's every possible need.  Once they are born their very life is dependent upon what you do for them.  As they grow older your role shifts and changes but your ultimate responsibility is to keep them safe and happy and guide them in the right direction. Once they start going to school things change and they are a little more independent.  They hit junior high they start pulling away.  It hurts but you understand. Once Blake hit high school he was back to himself.  I think he was finding his way in Jr. high.

We have always been a very close family.  From the time Blake started sports we were at every practice and every game he had.  Blake has played baseball, basketball, soccer and football.  He has been in gymnastics and participated in track.  There hasn't been much down time since he has been 5.  But we didn't mind and he has loved it.  I've asked him if he regretted being so busy with sports and he told me that if he could play more he would.  My point is nearly every weekend has be busy.  He was is select baseball from the time he was 9 years old and before that it was all stars.  Those were some hot summers but were a ton of fun!  After Blake's sophomore year in high school he decided he didn't want to play football anymore.  We supported his decision.  I mistakenly thought woohoo I will have the fall to relax. WRONG!  He picked up fall baseball. 

Blake graduated in 2010 and I was really worried I would fall apart but then my dad moved in and I was busy with him because when he got to our house he was very sick.  He ended up in the hospital before Thanksgiving and was in there for about a week.  When I got him back home he went down hill twice and I had to drive him to the emergency room 3 hours away where his Dr.'s are. He was admitted and eventually went to the nursing home for December and part of January.  When we got him home he was doing great. He has had a couple spells but nothing like what we went through last year.  I know what to look for now.  With Blake's first college being so close we got to see him every weekend even if it was him just dropping off his clothes and picking them up. Or we would go see his game or go take him out to eat. So it wasn't like he was gone really.

This year Blake has moved to Poteau, OK and is going to Carl Albert State College.  The baseball coaches really wanted him and he was very excited about going.  We were torn.  We were supper excited for him.  How could we not be.  After being red shirted last year he couldn't wait to get on the Field and play ball. I did fine until the Saturday.  I would cry but only when no one was looking.  Sunday as Blake and I were driving up there I cried but, I tried not to let Blake see it. Monday was fine Michael came up that evening and we were all together again.  Tuesday. Oh, Tuesday.  I cried after I got up and got ready and he held me and let me cry it out. I cleaned up again.  We got him moved in.  Took care of some stuff and when we left I just held on to him in the parking lot.  Not wanting to let go but knowing I couldn't hold on forever.  I let him go and didn't stop crying for hours.  I would fall asleep and wake up crying.  I know that is probably over the top but, he is the only child we have. We have lost so many family members it scares me to let go and just let him be the almost 20 year old he is.  I do.  But I don't like it.

During the week I'm fine. I work over 40 hours a week.  I take care of dad in the morning before work and tend to him in the evenings.  It's really not much. He eats and drinks and have have to empty his potty but over all it's not hard.  He sleeps quite a bit. So I still have a lot of time on my hands.

I have had trouble finding something to make me want to get up and do anything really.  That is one of the reasons I have started this blog.  I'm lost trying to find my way as my own person.  I've started taking pictures again.  Although I prefer to take actions shots.  I think it's because of all of the years I have been taking pictures of Blake in all of the different sports.  It's so exciting when you get a great shot.  Last year I got a Nikon D3000.  I know it's just a starter camera but, I haven't been into photography since I was in Journalism in high school.  Now I'm on the hunt to figure out how to take volleyball pictures of my God daughter without all the stinking blurry shots.  If you have any suggestions please leave them in the comments.

If you have any suggestions on how to get out of the mom blues for a lack of a better word let me know as well. Sleeping the weekends away isn't the answer!

Thanks for listening.  I hope to have a more up beat post next time.  Have a great week!

Monday, September 12, 2011

Maverick our baby

Along with my dad's dog buddy we have our own dog Maverick.  You would think Maverick would be the name of a boy dog but no, ours is a girl.  Blake was 8 years old when we got Maverick from my sister and her family.  We got her one day before she turned 6 weeks old.  We allowed Blake to name her.  It was a choice between Cobra or Maverick.  I think he made the right choice.  

Maverick is a cross between a Shiatsu and a Collie. When her hair is short she looks like a puppy.  She is actually 10 years old.  She will be 11 in February.

I remember the night we got Maverick.  We picked her up at my sisters then went and spent the night with Michael's brothers place.  We stopped on the way and picked up food and the rest of the items you need to c are for a puppy.  We even picked up a laundry basket so she could sleep in it and not make a mess on the new carpet.  I don't know if she even weighed 5 pounds.  She was so was tiny.  Anyway we all get settled in.  Blake slept in the living room with the puppy and I will be darn it that little thing didn't crawl out of that basket.  The only thing we could figure out is she must have used the cut out squares as stairs.  And OF COURSE she left a mess for us.  I felt so bad.  I did get it all cleaned up.

Blake Loving on Maverick just before he and I left to take him up to Oklahoma


We all adore our baby girl.  As a matter of fact she comes to me when I caller her baby girl.  This is the third dog we have gotten for Blake or at least they were supposed to be Blake's.  Somehow they all ended up being my babies.  I tried very hard not to have the same effect on Maverick but, I think she is the worst mama's girl so far.  The boys can be calling her to come to them and she will come to me.  They don't care for this a bit.  She is a Maverick.  She tends to do what she wants when she wants to.  We wouldn't have it any other way.

Maverick has been supper clingy to me since Blake has gone. She is normally lovey but it has gone way overboard lately.  Maybe she sinces me being sad and missing Blake and she is just comforting me.  She does do that.  She always knows when I'm upset either mad or sad.  She will crawl up into my lap and comfort me.   This is why she is our baby girl.  She takes care of us even when we don't realise she is doing it. 

I hope you have an animal in your life that can love and comfort you when you need it.


Sunday, September 11, 2011

Happy Birthday Amy!

Saturday was my best friends Amy's birthday.  Amy and her family invited Michael and I to have dinner with them then go back to their house to visit for a bit.  It was a nice quite low key evening.  We laughed until our faces hurt.  You know it's a good evening when that happens.

Amy is on the left and I am on the right.  It was my surprise 40th birthday this past February.


Amy and I met back in May of 1991.  Amy was sitting out front of the apartment complex we lived in with her oldest daughter Katie that was 10 months old at the time.  Katie turned 21 in July.   I was 20 and Amy was 21 at the time.  We found out as we were talking that we were both pregnant.  She with her middle daughter Jessica and I with my only child Blake.  Four years after Jessie and Blake were born Amy had her youngest daughter Olivia.  She is my God daughter. From the day Olivia was born I have called her Lou Lou.  I have no idea why.  I adore all three girl.  They are like my nieces but I will always have a special place in my heart for Olivia.

When you have been friends with someone for twenty years you go through quite a bit of life experiences together. Through good times like having a child and sad times like losing a loved ones. Amy would be the one I would call.  I don't know what I would have done without her.

Amy, I hope you are blessed as much as you have blessed me over the last 20 years.  You deserve nothing but the best. Know I will always be here for you and would give my last breath for you.  I love you my best friend and my sister.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

DAD

Today I would like to introduce you to my dad and his dog Buddy.  They both came to live with us on July 4th, 2010.  They were supposed to be just coming up to stay until my dads new apartment was ready that was closer to my sister and his Dr.'s in Temple.  Once he was here we quickly realised that he really shouldn't be on his own anymore.  Dad has COPD and congestive heart failure.  He is on oxygen 24 hours a day and has to use a nebulizer every 4 hours along with quit a bit of other medication in order to breath.  He was a smoker from his youth.  The crazy thing is he says he would smoke a 4 ft cigarette if he was able to.  But honestly I think he regrets not listening to the Dr.'s years ago.

Buddy and Ronnie my dad


Dad wasn't doing very well when this picture was taken.  His congestive heart failure was really giving him fits. Fortunately we were able to get him into his Dr. quickly and we upped one of his meds and he is looking better today.

Dad isn't able to do much so I bought a few Nerf guns.  We have had a ball with them.




As you can see he has a ball with those crazy guns.  I have been sitting in the living room with him watching TV and he has snuck one of those out and shot at me scaring me to death.  He just laughs.   The brat!  As you can see dad doesn't want anyone messing with his things so his area tends to be a mess.  But as long as he is happy and can find what he is looking for it's OK with me.

If you have anyone that is confined to one area I would suggest getting a Nerf gun.  They are a lot of fun.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Skype

This mama is loving Skype.  I love that I can still see Blake even if he is hours away from me.  I saw that he was on facebook tagging himself in some baseball pictures I had missed so I took a shot and called him. Michael, my husband was in the room so we all had a great conversation.  For some reason my video camera wasn't connecting but his was and that was good enough.  That boy is the light of our lives!

Here is a picture of our family after the game.  It was a long day so we are all sweaty!

Jackie, Blake, Michael


This is the young man that stole our hearts almost 20 years ago. If I new we would have another one just like him I think I might be tempted to go through all of this again.  I feel bad that I wasn't ever able to give him a brother or a sister.  Especially after my mom passed away and I leaned so much on my sister.  Maybe he will marry in to a big family who knows.




Thursday, September 8, 2011

I have pictures of Blakes first CASC game!






Here are a few pictures of Blake.  It wouldn't allow me to load anymore than the four photos above.  I'm hoping the blog getter better as I learn what I'm doing.  Hope you enjoy these.

Blake goes back to College but this time in Oklahoma

Blake has started another "freshman" year of college at Carl Albert State College (CASC) in Poteau, Oklahoma. The baseball coaches really wanted him up there because they needed an outfielder and a lefty at the plate. Blake fit the bill perfectly. I have not watched Blake get that excited in a while. Blake was red shirted last year at Texas Wesleyan so it gives him an additional year of playing time. The only problem with Blake going to Carl Albert State College (CASC) is that it is over 4 hours away from us.

Blake and I drove up to Poteau on August 14th the Sunday before school started to get checked in and take care of a few things on Monday morning like books. Michael came up Monday night. Tuesday morning we finished getting school things taken care of and got Blake settled in his dorm and met his new roommate Dillon. Dillon seems like a great kid. It sure was hard to leave. I don't recall the last time I cried as hard as I did when I left my baby boy in Oklahoma. It just about ripped my heart out.

The Vikings had their first fall baseball game this past Sunday September 4th, 2011. Michael and I didn’t leave to go up the CASC until almost 3 PM Saturday evening. (We had to make sure my dad was fed and had plenty of snack and drinks until my friend Amy could come check on him a couple of times on Sunday. ) When we finally got to town Blake met us at the hotel. It was so great to hug him. I didn’t want to let go. He was in the middle of doing wash so before we got to take him out to dinner we ended up at the laundry mat for about an hour. I didn’t matter what we were doing as long as we were all together. After we finished the laundry we went to Western Sizzlin. We hadn’t eaten at one of those in ages. After we ate we went back to the hotel and Blake was leaving for the dorm before 11 PM. We were fine with that. He had a couple of games the next day after all.

We tried to sleep in because Blake’s game wasn’t until 1pm and check out was at 11pm. We got ready and went to lunch and got set up for his game. I have some great shots. I will try to get them up loaded. The team we played didn’t do well at all. Come to find out it was prospect/select club. It wasn’t even another college team. It explained why the kids on the opposing team weren’t fielding worth a darn. It took a while for anyone to get a hit because the pitching was slow. I know Blake walked once. Had a line drive to I think it was left center. He hit a grounder back to the pitcher. I think there was another one but I don’t recall. He made contact but didn’t get a hit sadly. Blake had a couple of great catches out in right field. I only have pictures for one of the catches.

No tears this time on the way home. To be honest I was a little surprised. Blake seems so happy that I can’t be upset anymore. I can only hope and pray he stays happy always.

Everyone should be as blessed as we are to have a son as great as Blake. I love you son. Good luck on the season. I know God has great things in store for you.

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