Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Home Body

Have any of you watched Mike and Molly? Oh my word, is it funny. I don't know if I have ever watched an episode that I have not laughed through. I only wished I would have watched it last year when it began.  I wonder if I can get the first season somewhere.

I have become a home  body over the last few years.  When I was younger I loved to go go go. But after having Blake and never being home due to him being in every sport growing up we were not home much. Give me a good book, show or movie and I'm good to go. It drives my husband batty.

I think the reason I don't enjoy going out as much is because I hurt everyday due to my back and neck.  I have three herniated discs in my lower back and two herniated discs in my neck.  I just found out I have two discs that have bone spurs. Fortunately I had the nerve stimulator installed at the end of 2009 for my lower back and that has help tremendously.  I would love to get one installed in my neck but, I don't want to fork over the $1,500.00 to do so. The Dr. is wanting to do the cortisone shots or something else I don't recall what it was.  I just don't want to keep sinking money in this issue that isn't going away so I'm trying to live with it.  Because the 5 herniated disc are not pinching off the nerve completely they will not do surgery to correct any of the problems.

I am trying to make myself get out and do things even if I don't feel up to it. I know I won't regret doing things with my husband and it will make him happy and in turn it will make me happy.  Don't get me wrong he is more than understanding and pampers me like you wouldn't believe.  He will do it all just so I don't risk hurting myself. He and Blake hate seeing me in the kind of pain that makes it hard to put one foot in front of the other.  My motto is it's a great day as long as I am able to walk.  Even if it's slow and steady it's better than being trapped in bed not able to sit up due to the level of pain it brings on the really bad days.  I'm am very blessed to be married to a man that is willing to care for me on those time.

Right now we are redecorating and organizing things a little at a time.  It's nice to have our house going in the right direction.  Now that we don't have games all during the week or weekend we actually have time to get things done a few weekends a month. It's strange but nice. I will try to remember to take before and after pictures.

Well I'm going to get to bed.  I hope all of you have a wonderful Tuesday.


Monday, February 27, 2012

Our trip to Tyler, Lindale and Mount Pleasant

Again, right after work on Friday we take off for Tyler, Texas.  It didn't really take that long to get there.  I think it was about 2 and half hours.  About as long as it takes us to get to central Texas. Blake's baseball team is playing Tyler Jr. College on Saturday Afternoon.  For some reason they had to play at a high school field. In Lindale about half and hour from Tyler Jr. College. Once we got to Tyler and to the hotel I called Blake to find out where the team is staying.  To my disappointment they are staying in Mount Pleasant. When we were in Poteau last weekend we asked if the team was coming to Texas on Friday but, Blake didn't know.  The coaches had not made up their mind if they were staying two nights in hotels or just one. They have to keep a tight hold on the budget which is understandable.  When Blake texted Michael Friday night that they were in Texas we both just figured they would be staying one night in Tyler and the next in Mount Pleasant. Obviously we thought wrong.  We were both disappointed that we did not get to see him Friday night.

Saturday we get up and head to Lindale and get in town about noon.  There was an electronic sign showing that Carl Albert and Tyler Jr. College were playing a double header at noon. This took us by surprise.  We thought we were getting in town an hour early because the schedule said the game started at one.  But, then again the schedule also showed that the game was in Tyler.  So, we get to Lindale High School and NO baseball fields anywhere near the school.  Lets just say it got a little bit tense in the truck! We ended up going to a convince store to find out where the fields were and we did not get to the field until the second inning. Sadly Blake never got to play in either game. Surprisingly he was OK with this.  He loves his team mates and wants the best for them and the team.  And to top it off  between the two games that little brat had to be told to come out of the dugout and speak to us.  Other kids came out and spoke to their parents but not Blake.  But, then again he never really has on game days.  Here we bring him a new bat, batting gloves and some shirts he ordered. Kids!  Blake's roommate Erick got to start pitching in the 2nd game.  My heart hurt for him.  His mom was at the game and the poor kid choked.  He walked the first 3 batters and had 2 balls and no strikes on the 4th batter when they pulled him. Up until today he has done great..  Not sure what happened.  I feel bad because he was so excited about staring while his mom got to see him.  But then, pitching can go like that sometimes.  I just wanted him to do so well.  He is such a great kid. The team ended up winning the first game and losing the second game.  Because we didn't get to eat as we planned before the game we headed to DQ after the game and then drove to Mount Pleasant.

The boys put their rally caps on for the second game.

Sunday we got up and got a bite to eat and head out to the game.  Blake didn't get in again.  We aren't quite sure why.  The left fielder had 3 errors at the very least and no bats were going.  Not sure why the coach didn't try to mix it up when the team was getting creamed.  But, that's not my call. We said a quck goodbye to Blake and headed home. 

Friday, February 24, 2012

On the Road again

We are heading to Tyler, Texas after work to finally get to see Blake play in a real game on Saturday late afternoon or early evening for two 7 inning games.  After the game in Tyler we will grab a bite to eat and head to Mount Pleasant, Texas for more games on Sunday. I am hoping he gets to play at least a little bit.  For some reason he is struggling at the plate.  Now I think he is over thinking it and adding to the pressure.  He needs to get out of his own head.  When we were in Poteau last weekend he had a couple of great solid hits. When the coach put him in on Tuesday he struck out. He said he was in front of it.  He does have a problem waiting if a pitcher doesn't throw hard. I am hoping with us there it will give him some confidence and he will get his mojo back.

On a completely different note. On Wednesday after work I finally got my eye exam. The last time I got an eye exam and new glasses was 2004. I went next door and picked out two pair of glasses.  The only problem is I have to wait until March 7th to pick them up. They had to special order my len's because of the astigmatism I have. I can't wait to be able to see clearly again. One pair of glasses I got the works.  The other pair I got the transition glasses.  I am so looking forward to having those for games and traveling.  I almost wish I would have just went with one pair with the transition.  Oh well,  It will only be 8 years before I get my next pair.  Not really. Well at least I hope I go before then.  With the insurance I have it didn't cost much at all.a

Did any of you watch American Idol this week?  Did any of the people you like get through?

I hope you guys have an awesome weekend!


Thursday, February 23, 2012

Survivor 2 22 2012

We have been watching Survivor since the first episode.  We love it.  When it first came on we would be racing home from Blake baseball practice excited to see what what was going to happen in that episode.  In the beginning it was so new that people didn't have a clue what they were walking into. A few seasons in people figured it out and so they had to mix it up.

This year is different in that the tribes are on the same part of the island.  I was talking to Michael and we only recall the guys and girls being split one other time.  The girls make all women look like complete idiots. Monica one of the older wiser women said she is embarrassed for the women tribe and she should be.  It took her volunteering to show the girls the right way to do the challenge. Kat KILLED the girls team this week.  I can't believe they voted off Nina instead of the air headed Kat.

Do you watch Survivor? What do you think of this season?

Have an awesome Thursday.


Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Cancer is not a laughing matter

My husband has had some moles that have concerned me for quit sometime. I have been asking him for years to please have them checked out. My concerns are valid. Michael’s mom passed in her 40's and his dad passed in his 50's. Michael’s mom had a brain tumor and his dad had pancreatic cancer. Needless to say I'm a little panicked when it comes to the possibility of cancer of any kind.

What finally got Michael to go to a dermatologist was my lifelong friend Stacy called to let me know that her husband Bryan had a malignant mole on his eyebrow. Apparently Bryan has had several moles removed over the years that were pre-cancers and when this last mole popped up it was during the holiday season and he didn’t want to take time out and get it looked at. When Bryan finally got the mole removed it was bad news. The Dr.'s were not able to get clean margins the first time around so that had to do surgery last week. I was not able to be there for the surgery but, Stacy sent me a picture. It made me cry. His poor sweet face. They had to go in not only at the eye brow but on the cheek as well to remove lymph node. They are still waiting on the news to see if more surgery will be needed and what course of action needs to be taken from here. This is my best friend’s prince charming. So many prayers have gone up and will continue to go up that all is free and clear of cancer.

Michael’s dermatologist appointment was this morning. He was check out from head to toe and he is fine. You have no idea the relief I feel and the guilt I feel for the relief. Especially when my sweet friend and her family are in the middle of uncertainty. The only thing I know to do is pray for her and her family and be there for her when she needs me.

Be sure to hug your loved ones and let them know how much you love them. You just never know when something scary is coming around the corner.

Happy Wednesday everyone.


Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Happy Fat Tuesday 2012!

Happy Fat Tuesday everyone!  The most I know about Mardi Gras is that girls show something they normally wouldn't to get cheap beads thrown at them. It sounds like one heck of a time but, I'm to shy to do something like this.  Heck even when I was young and thin I could never have flashed folks.  I would love to go and see what it's all about.  I love to people watch. And Mardi Gras would be one heck of a show. I think I would be one of the people who got a hotel room with a balcony so I could watch from a distance but, still be in the mix.  But then again if I was ready for bed they would still be parting and I don't know if this old fart could handle that.

Have you ever gone to Mardi Gras?  If so what was your favorite part and or least favorite part?  If you have never gone would you like to go?

On to a totally different subject.

I was driving to work this morning and I looked into the persons review mirror in front of me.  It was a scary thought.  She looked like the chick from Grudge or the Ring. The only thing going through my head was that evil aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sound that chick makes when she is coming out of the TV.  Then my mind wondered into calling Blake and making that sound or singing the Freddy song. 1,2 Freddies coming for you.  I'm such a sweet mama.  I think I will save that phone call when I know he is coming back form Fort Smith and he has to drive those dark country roads. The only down side would not getting to be there to see the reaction.

Well, I honestly didn't know what I was going to write about when I sat down this morning.  It always amazes me that I come up with something to chat about.  Hope I don't bore all of you to death.

have a wonderful Fat Tuesday!  Be sure to let me know if you participated in it in some way.


Monday, February 20, 2012

Unexpected trip

As soon as I got home from work on Friday night we left to go shopping for bedding. The original place Michael wanted to go ended up being a huge dud.  While we were driving we saw a Bed Bath and Beyond and knew they had a quilt we both liked so we thought we would run in to see if the location we were by carried what we were looking for.  Neither of us had eaten and we were starving so we swung by Firehouse Subs.  It was the first time either of us had gone and it was really good. After we ate we headed on over to Bed Bath and Beyond and found the Texas country quilt and we love it.  We spent way more then we wanted to however, it will be with us for quite some time and it's the first comforter set we have not just settled for due to price. 

Before we went to Bed Bath and Beyond we stopped at Kirklands and found some fantastic frames  to put in the entry way. Right now I have a ton of pictures up but over the years I have put up frames that do not match. With the frames we picked out we will be able to put up a ton of pictures but in matching frames. Maybe, I will do a before and after photo and you guys tell me what you think. It will take a couple of weeks because we will be out of town next weekend and most of the time I don't get home until 6 or 7 PM and I'm just too tired to mess with pictures then.

As we were shopping Michael asked me if I wanted to go to Poteau to see Blake.  He had read my blog and knew how much I was missing Blake.  So,  we called Blake to see if he had plans.  When we got home we packed up as quickly as we could and Michael called the hotel to make sure we had a place to sleep. The down side was we did not get on the road until almost 10:30 PM.  On the way Michael got a little surprise.  In the form of red and blue flashing lights. That part of the trip we could have done without.  We do not get to Poteau at 3AM exhausted but excited to see Blake later in the day. So excited in fact we didn't get to sleep until 4AM because we were too busy chatting away.

We get up the next morning and take Blake out to brunch. While we are eating Michael tells him about the ticket. Blake laughs and says that he has been told by a former cop that those small towns give out tickets to anyone that is not from their town.  For instance he and his wife went through a small town and he tells her that cop right there is going to stop us on our way back through.  His wife laughed and said no he won't.  We aren't doing anything wrong.  When they were heading back Blake's friend said he made sure to be going 5-10 miles under the speed limit.  Sure enough, they got pulled over.  The police officer comes up and asks for his license and registration.  Blake's friend asked him what he did wrong and the officer to him he was going 10 miles over the speed limit. The guy says no I wasn't.  The cop said yes you were I clocked you. The guy says no you didn't.  I have a radar detector and it didn't go off.  Besides I was going at least 5 under the speed limit.  He then takes out his badge and showed the other cop he knew the game.  So obviously he didn't get a ticket.  Anyone else would be out of luck though. After we ate we let him go back to his dorm to get ready for his inner squad game and we go back to our hotel to rest before the game. Blake seems so happy here.  It sure makes it easier for us when we are home missing him knowing that at least he is happy.

The boys played this game where they throw two alls around and you have to be ready to catch it.  If you miss catching the ball that's strike one.  If you get to strike three you're out.  We were all laughing as much as the boys were.  It looked like a lot of fun. After a bit of warming up they started playing the baseball game.

Blake has been stuggling with batting for some reason.  When he was little his first baseball coach brought the team some nerds and told them that nerds make you hit better.  So, I brought him a box of nerds and sure enough he went two for three.  That put him in a great mood.  We know what he is capable of doing and he can hit the ball quite well.  He reminds me of a Rusty Greer kind of player.  He might not hit bombs but, he will get on and get the team RBI's (runners brought in).

After the game we took Blake out to a place called The Arena.  The head coach told Michael about it so we thought we would give it a try. We drive out to where we are told it is and find a gentleman's club and what looked like a huge barn right next to it out in the middle of nowhere. The barn ended up being the restaurant.  The food was good.  Where we were sitting there was an arena.  I guess there are times when a rodeo is going on. It was not going on Saturday night. After dinner we went back to the hotel and just relaxed and visited while we watched TV and pulled up random Youtube videos. I have figured out that it doesn't matter where we are.  As long as we are together it feels like home.

Sunday we got up and did Blake's laundry while he went to church.  We  went to a different laundry mat then the one we normally go to when we are there.  It didn't have a sign on it.  But, Blake told us it is nicer than the other one we used.  And it was. We learned that if you are not from Poteau you will miss out on some great stuff. Like awesome steak houses and laundry mats that are bigger and cleaner. I'm sure there are other things there that we will learn about soon.

About the time Blake got finished with church we were waiting on the last load of laundry to finish drying. Once it was finished we folded it and went to pick up Blake to take him out for a quick bite to eat.  After we ate we took Blake to Wal-Mart to pick up some groceries he needed. We filled up his truck and said our goodbyes.  It wasn't so bad saying goodbye this time because I know we will be seeing him next weekend.  The baseball team will be in Texas too play several games next weekend.

In one of the many little towns we go through on our trip there is a pub or bar or whatever named Jackie's Alibi.  We have been meaning to stop and get a picture since the first time we passed by it but it's always too late or we are to tired but Sunday we finally did it!  It was an absolutely beautiful day.

My original plan was to pose with either  my hands raised or with my finger of my lips like shush don't tell but, there were a ton of cars driving by and I got to embaressed to do anything.  Of course we had never seen that many cars there until this time. 

We enjoyed out time with Blake and it was thoughtful of Michael to suggest we go when we hadn't planned on going that weekend especially since we are going to see him next weekend.  But, it sure made this mama happy and did my heart good.

I hope you did something that made your weekend happy. Something that will help you get through Monday.  Unless you are one of the lucky ones like my husband who has tomorrow off.


Friday, February 17, 2012

Missing my baby boy

I am missing my not so baby boy somethin awful right now.  We will not get to spend any real time with Blake until May. Don't get me wrong I am thrilled he has a scholarship for baseball.  He is exactly where he needs to be right now.  I just miss his smile, hugs and kisses. We have been so blessed to have had him in the first place but, to have ended up with such a care, giving, loving and compassionate young man is more then any parent could ask for.  I could not begin to tell you the number of parents that have told us he is welcome to come over anytime. That he is the nicest, well mannered young man they have ever met.  It feels good to have people compliment your child but, it also makes you squirm a little bit. 

I called Blake last night and it went to voice mail.  To say I was disappointed would be an understatement.  I have tears in my eye right now just thinking about my boy.  Blake did call back.  He had been playing table tennis at the church. Unfortunately it was just a quick conversation because he was heading to the schools basketball game. I want him to be active and be out doing things.  It's all part of the college experience.  As long as he keeps bringing in the good grades he can live it up!  I just wish I could get a hug now and then. He gives the best hugs ever.

Last year when Blake was a freshman in college, he lived so close that we got to see him at least when he dropped of his laundry and picked it up.  There were times he would even come home for the weekend.  Not often but enough that it wasn't so bad that he was in college.  When he moved to Poteau we still had my dad living with us so we were busy doing stuff for him. Now, with dad gone and Blake in Oklahoma our house feels so empty. 

We are heading to Blake's ball games next Friday. But, we will not really get to visit Blake.  I guess I will at least get a hug from him and that will have to tied me over until I see him again.

Hope you guys have a great weekend.


Thursday, February 16, 2012

Disappointed about the new bedding

I'm so disappointed.  I opened up the bedding last night and it was the silk top that I'm trying to avoid.  So we have to take it all back and start over. I know I'm being overly picky but, we don't go out and buy a lot of things so when I get the opportunity I want to get something that I know I will be happy with for the long haul.  The only problem is I'm not a girl that enjoys going from store to store browsing.  I like to know what I'm looking for go in get it and get the heck out of there.  I know I sound like a guy but, it's honestly how I feel. So back to the drawing board.

We have been married 22 years and have never owned a formal bedroom suit.  My aunt Dianne offered a cherry wood suit to us last weekend but, we are being stubborn and want to pick our first one out ourselves.  I think I want to go Texas country.  I already have the two end table.  We just need the rest of the room.  If we decide to go that way then I know the perfect quilt we saw at Bed Bath and Beyond.

Do any of you have suggestions?  Where can I get bedding that is stylish and affordable?  The bedding I'm taking back is Ralph Lauren.  It was on sale.  It was normally $400 but we got it for around $150. It is beautiful.  If only it didn't have all of that silky material on it. We bought that type of bedding last time and have come to HATE it. With two dogs that like to jump up on the bed and play and me not going to get pedicures as often as one should it just isn't practical for our family. Besides, I'm a country girl at heart and love quilts. They are both beautiful and comfortable.

If you have any suggestions I would love to hear them.  Hope you have a wonderful Thursday.


Wednesday, February 15, 2012


I wanted to mention something regarding yesterday's post/video. For whatever reason I can't get the song out of my head but, I'm not much of a drinker.  It has taken almost 7 years of working at Summit to finally find a wine that I like.  Unfortunately for me it was at the company Christmas party and was well over one hundred dollars a bottle.  Even then I didn't have much. I had a total of one glass.   My boss is thrilled he finally found a wine that I actually like.  He is a HUGE wine connoisseur. He and Tori have been trying to teach me about smelling the wine and  sipping the wine to see if you can determine what is in it.  In order for the wine to taste properly you have to have the correct glass.  Know the optimum temperature and know if you need to set it out to breath before consuming.  Honestly I'm surprised I remember that much.  But, don't be too impressed.  I couldn't tell you what wine goes in what glass or any of the other things I mentioned.

One of the fun things the owners of the company will do for us is have wine and rib days or margarita and fajita days. Normally I get to decide when we are going to do this.  We try to time it when everyone has just come off a huge project and needs a little time to unwind.  I try to have it around 2ish.  This gives everyone plenty of time to get work finished but, have enough time before they get behind the wheel.  I always worry about everyone and offer to give people a ride home if I'm concerned.  After losing my brother to drinking and driving,  I sure enough don't want to lose anyone else.  It's just not something you get over.

WOW I didn't even end up writing about what I had planned on writing about.  Oh well, there is always tomorrow.

I hope your Valentine's day was as special as you are.  Even if you don't have a significant other there are people in your life that love you because you are special.

Hope you have a wonderful Wednesday!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Red Solo Cup..........

I have had the song Red Solo Cup stuck in my head.

Let me know if this gets stuck in your head as well.

Happy Valentines day!


Monday, February 13, 2012

Visiting Uncle Danny and Aunt Lisa

Friday after work we had an exciting evening of eating at Chili's and then coming home and organizing cabinets.  WOW! What an exciting start.

Saturday was great.  Michael and I went to visit my mom's baby Brother Danny and his wife Liesa. We had a wonderful time.  Their home is absolutely beautiful.  It is decorated in all Texas country.  I wish I had pictures to show you but, I forgot to take my camera.  They have several dogs but, their was on in particular that I fell in love with.  Emma.  Oh my word she is maybe 4 pounds.  She stayed with me the entire time I was there.  She would cuddle and love on me.  She melted my heart.  Leisa was not happy because Emma would come to me when I called her but, she won't when Leisa calls her. 

We left to go to a local swap meet.  It was adorable.  Not huge but had great things.  There were several stands where they priced things to sell.  I found a booth where I got 3 items for $10.  I got 6 coasters that I can put pictures in. They each have a saying on them.  One has family, one has memories, laughs and friends.  I don't recall the other two right now.  Along with that I got a wall hanging as well as 3 frames attached to the word family.  Not a bad deal.  Then there were some places that thought their items  were gold.  They were cute but, not worth the money they were asking for.  After the swap meet they took us to their favorite local Mexican food restaurant.  It was yummy!  We were stuffed.  We ended up staying there until almost 7 PM.  Way later then expected but, we were really enjoying ourselves.

After we left Uncle Danny's house we went by the mall to find some sheets and comforter.  We found a 20 something piece set. Once we have it all setup I will take a picture and post it for you to take a look at.  We went to I don't know how many stores and I had already fallen in love with the set we ended up with.  It came with sheet but, our queen size bed also has one of those memory foam tops on it so we bought king sized sheets as well.  I am hoping one of them work because that was the whole purpose of getting new bedding.

Sunday as usual was just a relaxing day.  It ended up sleeting/snowing.  When I left for work this morning there was still a bit left on the grass.  It was raining but there wasn't any sleet mixed with it thank God!

Michael is supposed to leave tonight to go see Blake play ball tomorrow.  With the weather the way it is I don't know if he will decide to go or stay.  There was a message on our answering machine saying Blake's school was called off due to the weather.  So, I am hoping he doesn't go.  It's just not worth the risk.  The way he has to travel is kind of out in the sticks and not well traveled.  I will let you know tomorrow what he decided.

Hope you all have a wonderful Monday.


Friday, February 10, 2012


Since losing my dad, it has made me miss my mom being gone that much more.  I still have their number in my cell phone.  Heck I think I still have my Granny and Grandpa Yoho's number in my cell.  It's hard to let go.  I know they are both better off in heaven. But, my heart misses them.  I miss giving them hugs. Or just laughing and cutting up with them.  I know as time passes it will ease.  But for now, I have to work through the pain.

We have been cleaning our house out.  OK honestly my husband has been cleaning our house out.  It's looking great!  We were going thought the things in the coate closet and decided to finally let go of his mom's coat 20 years after passing.  Patti passed away 4/24/1991.  Michael put it in the goodwill pile and got choked up.  It hits you at the oddest times.  You think after 20 years your heart would be completely healed but, when you love someone apart of you dies when they die.  You will never be the same as you were.

Both Michael and I have lost both of our parents.  We still have Michael step mom Pam and her new husband Frank.  We love them dearly and are fortunate that they allow us to continue to be part of their lives. Mostly we have each other. Blake is grown and off to college.  We miss him terrible.  Hearing about his game over the phone is not the same as being there watching every pitch, at bat, catch and throw.  So Michael and I will continue to hold on to each other and the love that started almost 26 years ago.

I love you honey.  Thank you for being there for me through the good and the bad.  Without your love and support I don't know if I could have gotten through all of the losses.


Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Daddy's song

This is the song my dad wrote back in 1989.  It was his testimony.  Dad said that the words were playing over and over in his head as he was closing the meat market that night.  He said he remember sitting down writing it but didn't have a clue what he had written until the following morning when he woke up and read what he had written down.  He told us many times how surprised he was at what he found.  But it touched him and so loved to share it with anyone who would listen. Sometimes he would share it weather you wanted it or not. This song has touched a number of lives over the years. I hope it touches yours as well.














In loving memory of my daddy.
Ronald (Ronnie) Edwin Howard
This picture was taken on his last trip to his home state of Kentucky.

Hope you have a nice day!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Dad Passed Away 1-6-2012 2:44 AM

Dad was obviously admitted to the hospital. (click on hospital for part 1) It was about 9:30 PM before he finally got a room assigned to him.  Due to the DNR they were not able to intabate him.  But, they did put a CPAP on him.  It is basically like being intabated but with out the actual tube down your throat.  Had we been thinking we would have explained that to dad he most likely would have refused the CPAP as well. 

By Sunday the mask was hurting him so bad and his status were up enough were they took take it off of him and would give him a break off and on through out the day.  By Monday he was refusing to wear the CPAP.  He was infatic saying don't ask me again. When he gets to that point buddy you better believe he means what he says and there is no changing his mind. Dad had been in a great mood all day and was more alert and talking all day.  He was wiped out by the end of the day so we ended up leaving when visiting hours were actually over instead of staying late like we had been doing.

Tuesday morning we were up at the hospital be for 8AM so we would be sure to be there when the Dr. came to visit dad. When we walked in the room the CPAP was back on.  He had a horrible night and finally gave in and said he would wear the CPAP just so he could get some relief  and rest.  He couldn't fight anymore.  When they told us that I lost it. I had to leave the room. I was having a panick attack. I went to the waiting area and tried to calm down.  Once I gathered my composure I tried to go back in his room and just couldn't stay in there. I knew that was it.  He wasn't coming home with me again.
The Dr. finally came and it was exactly like we thought.  He had no fight left in his tired body. We talked to the Dr. and told him we couldn't tell him so the Dr. said he would talk to dad and give dad the choice. To keep going with the treatment and hope it got better or to stop all measures and keep him comfortable.  After we speak with the Dr. my sister Shannon is standing on one side of dad and I am sitting on the bed on the other side of dad.  I was holding dad's hand.  I don't recall if Shannon was.  I think so though.  The Dr. told him that his stats weren't getting any better that his kidneys were not getting better and that he would be dependent on the CPAP for what little time he had left.  He could chose to keep trying to fight or he could turn the CPAP off and start taking morphine to keep him comfortable. He could pass with in a few minutes or a few days. Dad chose to pass naturally and comfortably. The Dr. left and we sat and held hands and we all cried together knowing this is almost at an end. I called Michael and Blake and let them know.  Then we spoke to my dad's brother Leon.  Uncle Leon and his family came up to the hospital and brought Granny as well.  We were not sure if they would bring her because she is not doing well at all.  I wish you could have seen his eyes light up when his mama was wheeled into the room.  She slowly stood up and gave her baby boy one last hug goodbye and they each cried.  Of course that made the rest of us cry as well.  She had to bury my dad's twin brother when Donnie was just 6 months old.  Granny and the rest of dads side of the family left.  Granny was exhausted and when she gets like that her dementia is very bad.

Once Dad made the decision to pass we were turned over to hospice. We asked to be moved to a larger room due to all of the visitors.  We have a huge family on my mom's side and our Aunt Linda stayed with my sister and I the entire time. What a blessing she was throughout this whole ordeal.  We finally got moved to a larger room. They gave us a bed to sleep on. Not the most comfortable but, when you are worn out you don't care. We dozed on and off from Tuesday through Thursday.  Sometime around 2 AM on Thursday morning I woke with a start and knew dad would be passing within 24 hours. Dad had a beard and didn't look like the daddy I grew up with.  So I gently shaved his face. I wasn't able to get his upper lip.  But he looked like the daddy we knew and loved all of our lives.

That last night we started out singing a song he wrote called Red Rover.  I will post that tomorrow in dedication to him.  We each sang that because he never really got anyone to put music to it.  Poor guy.  I just know we each butchered his song.  But, it was done in love and I know he enjoyed it. That was his testimony.  I can't tell you the number of copies my sister and I had to make for him to hand out. Then we moved on to other gospel songs that he loved.   My aunt and sister were standing on his right side and I was hold his left hand.  We played I surrender all.  Just before the end of the song I felt a gentle squeeze in my hand from my dad.  I bowed my head to pray and as the last notes played my sister and aunt said he took his last breath.  We looked up at the clock and it was 2:44 AM.  That was incredibly hard.  But, if you have ever been fortunate enough to stand by the side of a loved one as they pass it truly is a blessing. As we cried I called the nurse and let her know he had passed.  She came in a confirmed that he had indeed passed.  We had to wait for a hospice nurse to come in a confirm he had as well.  A minister from Scott and White came up and spoke with us.  We gave her a copy of dad's song and she cried reading it.  We said a prayer around him. And waited for the funeral home to come and pick him up.  Honestly it's all a blur after that.

I just know had it not been for wonderful family and friends we would not have gotten through. So with grattitude and love THANK YOU all for the love and support you gave to our family. It meant more then any of you could possibly know.


Saturday, February 4, 2012

Happy to have the loptops back

I'm so excited.  Both laptops are repaired and at home.  This means I might actually start blogging properly again.  Here are some pretty roses to hold you over until next week when I pick blogging again.

Have a great weekend!